Welcome, Fall...

I haven't blogged in a few weeks, and low and behold... blogger has up and changed. :) Hopefully it is all for the better.

This morning I woke with a 4AM panic attack. Grr.... Not fun! Not fun at all. When I was younger I suffered with panic attacks regularly. In fact so much so, that there were days where it felt like a constant state of being. It eventually led to depression, and those issues stayed with me until about a year before I had my girl. I felt strongly about not wanting to be on an antidepressant or anxiety meds while being PG, and couldn't imagine being a mom who was a hot mess with anxiety all the time. So I got off the meds, and did a lot of learning about what else I could do to cope, and... for the most part it worked. Unless there are mornings like this one where I wake up feeling like I am not getting enough air. I sensed that my chest was tight while sleeping, and it even played into a dream I was having. I woke up sort of hyperventilating, with my heart racing, which caused my anxiety to rise. Grr. Now though, I am feeling alot better. On with the day...

Well... we are 6 weeks into the school year. My girl is doing great where she is, and that is such a relief. I can check that off the worry list. :)

My boy seems to have settled in too. He is still at the public preschool, and the best I can say about it is... it gives him something to do for a few hours. He loves to stay busy, and gets so bored at home, and so for that I can be happy.  Every once in a while he acts like he doesn't want to go in, but then again there are days where he acts like he doesn't want to go home either. His class started off with 5 other little girls and him, but on most days only two or three of them show up, so it is usually a very small class. At home we feel like his behavior has regressed. He makes the biggest mess when he eats, which was a hurdle we were really over for the most part. And the part that annoys us the most is the new behaviors of hitting, kicking, pinching, and full blown melt downs. It is tempting to say that this could all be age appropriate behaviors, but I am not buying it. I sent my boy to  that school a joyful, happy child, and they send him home with an attitude. The reason I think alot of his behavior is being learned at school is because there is a little girl there who (as precious as she is) is very aggresive. On back to school night when we had all the kids there... we saw her several times try to pin my boy and just start hitting him. The parents looked at a loss as to what to do, so we had to step in.

As far as his teacher goes there is still something about her that I can't put my finger on... but it bugs. The aide too. In fact both of them have sort of had to catch themselves with me. When I take my boy at the gate both of them have been very stern with him at times over silly things, and then they sort of seem to remember 'oh yeah, I'm in public now'.  The main teacher still seems to be in "cover your butt mode" every day with tales of how my boy has gotten different marks on his body. Most days I never see what she is talking about, Thankfully! I know that he is active. Very. But, that bruise on his wrist was ridiculous!

Moving on... So the other day the teacher told me that my boy is the "peer model" for his class because of his behavior and speech. That might sound like it is all great, but I am left to wonder WHO IS HIS PEER MODEL???? This is a touchy subject for me. This is why I want him in a "inclusion" class. This is why I want him mainstreamed. So that he has "typical" models. He is a great learner, and does have quite a few words, and I want him to have a goal to move forward to. In the public class he is NOT being challenged. He is being entertained for sure, not challenged to move forward. Praise God he did finally start the part time inclusion class 2 days a week after he gets out of his other one in the AM. But I really think that he would benefit from getting his therapies, and being in a full time inclusion class.

This is a common pose after the long days of school. One day he painted his hair. :)

Right now, I feel like we are in "bide our time" mode. Our district does not do inclusion classes, and I have been advised over and over again to get him out of our district as soon as possible so that we don't lose years with him. And in the public school class that he is in, EVERY PARENT that I have spoken to that had their child in the same class last year as well said that they have not seen one ounce of improvement. :/ Grr. I have faith that we will figure this out. This is all part of the plan.

On August 1st I joined a gym, and have been going 4 to 5 times a  week. I think only once did I go 3 times a week. Sadly I don't think I have lost more than 7 lbs. I joined Curves, and the reason I joined that gym is because I needed the structure. I am not good at going to a gym and being turned loose. I need direction. I do wish that this gym had an elyptical machine, but otherwise this is exactly what I needed. Although the weight loss mystery has yet to be broken, I work out for 45 minutes each time, if not more on Zumba days, and I know I am stronger for it. And... I have modified my diet as well. This week I modified it even more, so I am anxious to see if this works. If not the next move will be seeing the Dr. to have my thyroid and other hormones checked, and maybe just going on shakes cuz THIS IS RIDICULOUS! :/ Today I feel very down about the fact that I have not lost weight, but I don't ultimately feel defeated. Also I will add more walking. Please dear God, let something work. I would have bet money that working out daily would have dropped some weight, but so far, NOTHING!!!! On a happy note... I have heard that the fact that I keep showing up regardless has inspired others. So YAY about that. Ever since I developed hypothyroidism weight management has been a battle. I have known two people that have gotten off traditional western medicines and gone the holistic route. Maybe I should do that.

Otherwise fall is in full swing here...

Mod Podge pumpkins, and a fall lantern filled with goodies...

Tonight we tried our hand at the whole Mod Podge pumkin craze. We really like the way these ones turned out. We also did some black and white ones that I will probly be touching up tomorrow.  It was a crazy, sticky mess. But we made good memories, so it was well worth it.

This is my FAVORITE overall time of year. Today we even got to enjoy a rolling thunder storm and beautiful rain. I was not crazy about the hot humidity that seemed to show up afterwards, but sometimes you gotta put up with the yuks. This time of year brings lots of clouds that hang low in the sky. And the cooler crisper weather is ushered in. The days are still warm and wonderful, but your every move doesn't make you drip in sweat. I love all the changing colors too. Thank You God for another chance to renew with a change in season.

I hope that you all have been well, and enjoy a fabulous weekend.

God Bless You!